I’m having an affair. I know this may surprise a lot of you but honestly, I’ve felt it coming on for a while now. I’ve known this person my whole life- although at times they’ve felt like a complete stranger. And yet here I am, writing a blog post about the greatest love story I’ve ever experienced. And the biggest bombshell of all- it’s not my husband.
To give some context to this relationship, it’s not always been a healthy one. Some might even call this relationship toxic. And I hate to say that I have hurt this person more than any other person I know- I’ve said things that I wish I could take back- things that I would never even think about another person let alone say out loud to their face! I’ve called them ugly, stupid, worthless, I’ve told them that they don’t deserve to be loved. I’ve held this person as they cried and instead of whispering works of love and encouragement I used their vulnerability against them, an opportunity to remind them that they are not enough. I was both the abuser and the abused.
Right now, you all are probably thinking “What kind of person says things like that?” I was young and broken- I didn’t know that there could be another way. None of this makes me proud, in fact, it is a source of deepest regret and shame.
This relationship has been so broken that I wasn’t sure I how I was ever going to make it whole again, or honestly, if I ever could. And yet here we sit, with open arms ready to repair the damage done and to try again because that’s what you do when you love someone.
Don’t get me wrong, there have been amazing times of contentment and partnership where I can clearly see all their gifts and beauty and it was magical- maybe that’s what keeps pulling us back together! Because when it’s good, it’s so good. It’s like nothing else I’ve ever experienced.
These last few years we’ve been closer than we have been in years! And our relationship has changed so much- there have been lots of difficult conversations and tears. I’ve had to take a deep look at myself and examine the kind of person I want to be and the kind of relationship I wanted with this person. And it was hard and at times ugly, but I also knew it was worth fighting for, worth risking it all for.
So here I am, ready to publicly declare that I am ready to spend the rest of my life letting this person know all the things I love and cherish most about them. They are my soulmate- the love of my life! I want our love story to be one for the ages- one others look at and say “THAT! That is the kind of love I want!” It’s the kind of love I want for every person on the planet, the kind of love I want and work for with my children, and with my clients because the truth is until you experience this kind of love, your love for all others will be diminished.
So, who is this incredible person I’ve had the pleasure of falling in love with- It’s me. Yes- you read that correctly- I am having a love affair with myself! And it is magical, scary and it’s about fucking time! Who else is ready for true love?